ABC Baby You And Me Baby Ain't Nothing But Mammals

ANDY - Pizzas

ANDY - E-Mail My Heart (Britney Spears Cover)

A ska band that writes songs about The NeverEnding Story and covers one of the most ridiculous Britney Spears ballads ever? This may not sound very cool to you, but you have to understand that it was the coolest thing ever for the pre-Wesleyan version of myself.

ANDY was a campus band, and the first time I saw them was during an admitted student weekend. As I emerged from the venue (aka the lounge of the WestCo dorm), a random voice came from a tree above. It was an asexual on rollerblades.

Long story short, this led to a mysterious adventure, which made me view Wesleyan as the collegiate equivalent of Narnia. It was a magical night, blah blah blah.

From that point on, I made an effort to attend every concert by ANDY. It was practically a religious experience. I’d enter the room full of excitement. I’d leave the room covered in sweat and full of adrenaline. AND THERE WAS SO MUCH SKANKING. The end.

Andrew W.K. - Party ‘Til You Puke

Andrew W.K. - Don’t Call Me Andy

One can’t fully understand the appeal of Andrew W.K. until you attend one of his live shows. Unfortunately, the majority of reasonable human beings would never consciously make the decision to attend one of his live shows. This is sad. But mostly for them.

Admittedly, the hesitation is completely understood. His recording never seem to capture the insane energy he projects into the crowd. Or his tendency to literally project himself into the crowd.

Within the first few minutes of his show, I was picked up and thrown onto the stage. When placed in this sort of situation, you really don’t have many choices. You can either be really lame and walk off the stage, or you can make a fool of yourself by breaking out into a spastic dance. Guess which option I chose?

Amerie - Rolling Down My Face

Amerie - Gotta Work

The year? 2002. The place? My parents’ basement. It was a day like any other day that took place during this time period. Most likely, I was sitting in front of the computer. I might have been chatting with a friend on AIM or working on some paper for school. Perhaps I was doing both of these things at the same time.

The television played in the background, as I not-quite-watched music videos on BET. Knowing my teenage self, it’s quite possible that I was also talking on the phone. But that’s a matter of little importance when it comes to this story.

While basking in the bliss of my technological haven, an incredibly sweet sound entered my eardrums. It was the opening instrumental line of “Why Don’t We Fall In Love?” Not to mention, the first time I had ever heard Rich Harrison’s production…

At that moment, I dropped everything I was doing and stared at the television. Sure, the clip wasn’t the most lavish or attention-grabbing thing I had ever seen, but I’ll be damned—the woman on that dusty television screen was absolutely beautiful. I sat there mesmerized as she sat on a park bench in her giant hoop earrings and flowy orange top.

When the video came to an end, I scribbled down the name on the screen. Amerie. It wasn’t long before I somehow downloaded the song and burned it onto a blank CD. There was even a remix with Ludacris!

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Our love affair wasn’t reignited until 2005, and there was no way I could have seen it coming. Amerie stormed back onto the scene with “1 Thing”, her most aggressive song to date. The lyrics were practically shouted over a percussion-heavy beat, leaving you with no choice but to let them penetrate your soul.

This go-go tinged approach would become one of Amerie’s signature sounds. It’d also lead to a conflict inside my brain. Did I prefer the smooth R&B groove of her origins? Or was she at her best when she sounded like she was losing her mind? I’ve yet to answer this question.

Amel Larrieux - Weather

Amel Larrieux - Earn My Affections

In my head, every person who listens to Amel Larrieux happens to be quite fond of taking bubble baths. I’m well aware this is a ridiculous notion. For starters, I’ve occasionally listened to Amel Larrieux. And I didn’t do it while immersed in soapy goodness (as aromatherapy candles flicker in the background).

While my logic may be flawed, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Larrieux was specifically crafted for the purpose of bathtub serenades. She’s “deep” without heading into mind-boggling, confusing territory. It’s almost as if she tells your soul things that it already knew, but you never quite took advantage of them.

So stop being such a douche. Light some cucumber-melon candles, run the hot water and relax while pretending that you’re deep. Duh, all the cool kids are doing it.

Aly & AJ - Potential Breakup Song

A part of me wants to sympathize with the protagonist in “Potential Breakup Song”. Her boyfriend’s obviously a jerk. I mean, how could you forget to call your girlfriend on her birthday? She wouldn’t even be calling it her “stupid birthday” if you had picked up the phone a bit earlier and sent some holleration in her direction!

On the other hand, maybe this chick is kind of crazy. It’s quite possible that her boyfriend just overslept that day, and he didn’t get a chance to respond to her text until approximately one o’clock in the afternoon. She’s all like, “OMG, how could you forget my stupid birthday?” Then he’s like, “I didn’t. I just have a wicked hangover from your party last night.” And then she’s like, “Oh. I guess I feel pretty stupid now, even though I still think you’re a total jerkface”. Except she doesn’t say that last part out loud.

After playing out this conversation in my head, I remind myself that this song emerged from a pair of sisters pedaled by the Disney Channel. It shouldn’t inspire faux conversation inside one’s head. So forget about getting your stuff back, Ms. Michalka. Because I want my sanity back. Do you get that? Let me repeat that. I want my sanity back.

All Saints - I Remember

All Saints - Never Ever

Did I actually enjoy All Saints’ “Never Ever”? In retrospect, the answer isn’t exactly clear. But I do still know all the words of the song, and this may have something to do with buying the CD single back in the day.

The disc included the original version, a “Nice Hat Mix” (which sounded nearly identical to the original version) and the group’s B-side “I Remember”. Oftentimes, I would ignore these random-ass songs they tacked onto the end of these releases, but this was definitely an exception to that rule.

Despite the fact that “I Remember” was recorded around 1997, it captured an R&B sound that was popularized during the earlier half of the decade. You can imagine a young Brandy busting out this tune, dancing around in an awesomely low-budget music video with choreographed dance breaks. In other words? This is totally brilliant.